Genetic Mirroring: What It Is, How It Affects Adopted People

Hi, it’s Jeanette of Jeanette-icily Speaking. Thanks for being here and checking out my channel. If you are new here, please subscribe. And I hope you like this video. And today, I’m going to be talking about genetic mirroring and its importance.

So, what is genetic mirroring? It is the reflections of our inherited traits. Be it physical or emotional from our biological heritage. So why is genetic mirroring important in adoption? Because it provides a basis of familiarity to your cultural, ethnic, and racial roots.

And if you are adopted by a different culture, ethnic, or racial family, you don’t receive the daily dose of genetic markers, which helps you develop a healthy sense of identity.

When you grow up in your biological family, you have guideposts to help you along. You can see the bits of your own future reflected in your parents, pieces of your own personality, and your siblings. But when you’re adopted, you don’t have that. When you grow up without these genetic markers, you don’t have these guideposts.

There are no clues or crumbs to follow. These genetic markers do not exist, which in essence, brings upon a genetic bewilderment of not knowing where you come from. Not knowing where one comes from can hold an adoptee back from developing themselves. And the question of identity, the, who am I and where do I come from, or where do I belong, remains a constant question, an endless search for self. Because we’re always adapting to our environment.

Everything around us is like the little duckling because we don’t have a genetic marker to bounce off from. And it makes our lives challenging. We’re always seeking identity. What are genetic markers? Genetics means origins.

Markers are inborn traits that we now know to be on each person’s genome, our DNA. Personality type, temperament, emotional and rational style, learning styles, gender differences, talents, inherent strengths, and weaknesses and resilience to trauma.

We learn these traits by being with our DNA genomes, our birth families. When you don’t have this reflected back, which is called mirroring, it can feel very, very overwhelming. I want you to do an exercise with me.

Please, if you are adopted, do not do this exercise. I want you to pull out a mirror and I want you to identify characteristics that you know came from one of your family members. Your nose looks like your father’s. Your skin looks like your mother’s. Your ears Look like your brother’s. Your eyes look like your grandma. The color looks like your father. Your sense of humor comes from… So just take a moment and identify a few of those markers. Great. You must feel so good about that. You know where these genetic markers come from and that’s what makes you who you are. Now, I want you to turn the mirror over and look at the opposite side.

The side where there is no reflection. And I want you to tell me what you feel and what you see. What do you see now? How does it feel not to see? There’s a blank slate.

There’s no reflection back. This is what an adoptee sees when they look in the mirror, and they have never met their birth family or any biologically related individual, a brother or a sister. So examples of what someone feels not having this reflection, anger, frustration, loss, loneliness, grief, sadness. So how would maintaining connections with the birth family influence the outcome of this activity? Genetic mirroring is important.

Don’t discount the importance of DNA. Be grateful you have your family who looks like you, who has similar traits like you. This is me with my adoptive family. And this is me with my birth mother. You see the difference.

There’s a lot of genetic differences. You don’t know how important it is until it is gone. And even then, so many adoptees are not even aware of what they missed. But something is definitely missing. It is important for parents of adoptees to assist their child in knowing their differences from their adoptive family and learn to speak to them and accept them.
Being able to speak the story of their birth and adoption, we need to know the facts about our truth. Even the most difficult ones.

Appearance is the most obvious form of difference. My appearance stood out as a constant reminder that I was not born from my mother and father, which colored my entire view of myself. I was critical and judgmental of myself because of my difference and appearance.
Because I did not resemble anybody. I couldn’t accept my difference because I tried so hard to be like them. So judgments on appearance can seep deeper into judgments about one’s abilities or about one’s character. Learning to validate and accept differences, to see the strengths and being different, becomes a challenge for both adoptees and adoptive parents. How one perceives their difference contributes to attitudes around oneself, which ultimately shapes how one engages their life moving forward.

And that’s why, in my opinion, genetic mirroring is extremely powerful.

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