Yeah mate, bloody operators… the kings of working smarter not harder mate. Except there’s nothing f*coin smart about them.
Cause behind every operator is a laborer who spent 10 years on the shovel before he realised… Hang on a minute. Those blokes sitting down! F*coin 3 days later they’re getting around site mate like they bloody own the joint, ya know…When I’ve seen them down the pub mate half these blokes are flat out operating a knife and fork. But I’ll be f*caked if they’re getting away with it and I’m not mate. So, I’ve been off, they’ve taught me how to turn me headlights on and lean me seat back. So now, I can drive f*caking anything out here mate as long as it’s yellow and got a seat on it I’ll jump in it and give it a rev.. I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. But I’ve got the paperwork that says I do. And that’s all that that matters in this country. – Stop Mate! – Aw f*ck sakes! F*caking worksite politics mate… You can’t escape it, ya know…
You hit one power line, and these blokes carry on like you’re blown up a f*caking school and stick you in one of these things. Just bloody embarrassing mate, ya know. I’m meant to be doing heavy machinery… not getting around in the fisher price… But I’ll be honest with yes…after a couple laps in this thing mate… It’s f*caking not bad… Sure, it takes me 47 minutes to get across site now That doesn’t f*caking bother me mate, ya know…I’m getting paid by the hour. I’ll sit here all day with a spoon on the end of this thing mate as long as I don’t have to get out and touch a shovel, I couldn’t give a f*ck.
Cause that’s rule number one mate…under no circumstances do I exit the airconditioned cubicle… [Michelin star sounds] And the best bit is mate. This little thing… Not tall enough to hit any powerlines… Aw f*ck! F*coin bullshit mate. 3 weeks on the shovel all cause the bloke doing the Dial Before You Dig was actually on the phone to a kebab shop, I mean how am I supposed to know that? Ya know…They’re not getting 3 weeks out of me mate…
I’ll tell you that. I’m f*caking out of here I think I’ve seen everything I need to see here mate. [land speed record attempt] How could I forget mate… The bloody holy grail of machinery. The f*caking bobcat. Reserved for only the most violent alcoholics on site mate…Got a roll cage in it like a f*caking F1 car mate… Because they know as soon as you get in this thing It’s f*caking going up on two wheels.
No license required either mate It’s the perfect landing mat for someone whose caused a couple million dollars in infrastructural damage… I just got to get myself into one…Yeas thank God for the SNOOZE YA LOSE policy mate Can’t believe I wasted all that time in the shit gear I mean this thing f*caking rips. Yeah, there was a bit of a learning curve at first but once you get the hang of it mate This thing f*coin drives itself. Goes like the clap too mate f*caking 4WD you can take this thing anywhere. No more f*classing’ around on the gas cooker for me mate, 12 o’clock comes around. I’m off down the road picking up a couple Kentucky Fried… Doesn’t get much better than this mate. I think I’ve really found me calling. I’ve even been coming in on the weekends for some overtime mate.
That’s how keen I am.
Time and a half on a Sadd’s mate I’m out the front of Bunnings double parked with a couple onion on the bottoms… F*ck sake! HI, James Cheney here for the World’s Best Knife sharpener… What’s that? Oh… New GARN MERCH! That’s right we got heaps of New Garn Merch ready to go. All new designs, all new items it’s all happening here at Cleva-Garn industries and today we’ve got a very Special Offer for the Viewers! Be one of the first 100 callers and I’ll tell you to blow it out ya ass twice in the same phone call.
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