3 Red Flags He’s An Emotionally Immature Man

– So what should you look for when it comes to someone who’s emotionally mature enough to really co-create the partnership that you want or they’re too emotionally immature to really get there with you? Today, we’re gonna look at three signs that this guy is an emotionally immature man. Check it out. Hey there, this is Mat Boggs and I’m the founder of the Love and Relationships Division here at the Brave Thinking Institute where our mission is empowering people to create and live a life they love, and that includes your love life. So, I encourage you, if you like this video, click that subscribe button and click the little bell because every week we bring you content to empower you in your love life.

And today we’re looking at signs that are indicators early on that someone really isn’t emotionally mature enough to create the partnership, the depth of the partnership that you are really looking for because the faster you can spot these signs, the more pain you can save yourself and him later on.

Ultimately, what you’re really looking for is someone who’s aligned with you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and it’s not just emotionally, but they’ve got the emotional strength, the emotional depth to be able to partner with you in life and that’s not something that you can get by reading a book, just like you can’t get in shape by reading a book about gym exercises. Emotional strength actually comes from doing the work, cultivating that depth of strength and emotional maturity inside.

And so, I’m going to share with you three signs right now. The first sign is he is quick to blame others.

You see, someone who’s emotionally immature lives from a state of being where they place their point of power outside themselves. In other words, they interpret life as happening to them. It’s never their fault, it’s always somebody else’s fault, the traffic’s fault, a family member’s fault, their roommate’s fault, their boss’s fault, always if something bad is happening is because something else outside of themselves is afflicting them.

That is a classic victim mentality. So, notice this.

Notice when you’re dating a guy and something doesn’t go right, something like the food is late or the food is wrong or traffic is bad or something’s going wrong, what is their knee-jerk reaction? Because that’s really what you’re looking for here. Are they quick to blame other people? You see, it’s easy to appear emotionally mature and conscious and spiritual and all of these things when everything’s going great.

It’s easy to come from gratitude when you’re having wins and things are abundant and prosperous and you’re healthy.

The question becomes when you’re facing a diagnosis or someone you love is facing a diagnosis or you lose someone or life happens, like you’re experiencing something traumatic or just experiencing something irritating, right, like traffic, how does that person respond in those moments? Let me give you an example of this.

A client of mine set up a date with this guy. He actually asked her out on a Monday and said, “Hey, let’s get together at this time, “at this restaurant on Friday afternoon “and we’ll grab some lunch” and she was like, “Great.” And they talked on the phone just a couple of times and so he makes the plan Monday.

All week he doesn’t reach out to her, he doesn’t call her, he doesn’t text her, she’s not hearing from him, and so on Friday, she texts him and says, “Hey, are we still on for Saturday?” She doesn’t hear back, so she doesn’t show up. Saturday comes, the date, the time comes, she doesn’t show up. She’s like, “Clearly, this guy isn’t gonna show up.” He texts her so mad ’cause he showed up to the restaurant at the time that they had originally agreed upon and his whole text was like, “Where are you?

“I can’t believe you’re standing me up. “I”I can’t believe this; I can’t believe that.” And she’s like, “Hey listen, “I texted you yesterday and I didn’t hear from you, “you didn’t talk to me all week. “I’m not supposed to just show up “if someone’s not confirming “that we’re actually going to be there.” So, their rules for communication were different, right?

This isn’t placing blame that his rules were wrong or her rules were wrong, but what’s fascinating is, she was willing to take responsibility in saying, “Hey look, I didn’t show up, yes, “and I had agreed and you didn’t communicate with me, “we both have a role in this,” and he was full on in blame mode.

“I can’t believe you, how would you do this to me, “this is so rude,” instead of owning like, “Yeah, maybe I could have sent you some communication, “maybe I could have responded to your text.” So, it’s actually a good thing that she didn’t show up on that date because I think she saved herself a whole lotta time with a guy that she wouldn’t end up with anyway ’cause he didn’t have the level of emotional maturity to be a true partner with her.

Because here’s the deal, the emotionally mature guy is going to own his part, he’s not going to be quick to just blame other people. He’s going to own whatever part he has in co-creating that circumstance and look for ways to actually make it better.

The second thing that an emotionally immature person tends to do is they let circumstances control their mood, they let outside events dictate how they feel.

This is also a victim position in life where, if their favorite team wins, they’re happy, if their favorite team loses, they’re pissed off and frustrated. If they have a win at work, they’re happy, if things at work are going bad or challenging, they’re feeling angry, they’re feeling irritable. Now, it doesn’t mean that if you’re emotionally mature, you don’t let anything in the outside world affect you, no, but what you’re looking for here is the depth and the duration that someone is affected by outside events. The emotionally mature person, they’re gonna have a challenge at work, they’re gonna have a tough day at work, and they’re able to process it and they’re able to keep perspective and they say, “Yeah, it was a really tough day at work” and then they’re able to collect themselves and they’re able to shift and still have a good night.

The emotionally immature person, like traffic will just send them into a bad mood, something else will send them into a bad mood and they won’t recover for hours. Their favorite team loses that day, the rest of the day is ruined, right? So, look for someone who, if their circumstances are dictating, determining their mood, that’s not a sign of someone who’s got a lot of emotional strength. Someone who has strength is gonna feel the emotion, but then be able to shift it, rise above it, and find the good and co-create something even better.

And the third attribute that you’ll see in someone who’s not emotionally mature is they will try to punish you instead of communicating their feelings.

When their feelings get hurt, they will punish you in certain ways. And so, usually how this looks is they will tend to withdraw their love from you if they’re feeling hurt, if they’re feeling criticized, if they’re feeling in a way where they don’t feel good in the relationship because of something they perceive that you’ve done, like you’re the perpetrator, you’re at fault for this, and they feel hurt, then they’re going to try to get back at you and they punish you.

Let me give you an example of this. Let’s just say you were at a party with this guy and you’ve been dating for a while and your friends are all there and you make a comment about how the last few times he has tended to be late and you hope he’s not the kind of guy who’s late all the time and you kind of call him out in front of his friends, and he feels embarrassed, he feels hurt about that. The emotional immature guy will do a few things.

One is he might try to stonewall you or give you the silent treatment. He’s like, “I’m just not gonna be around you, “I’m just not gonna talk to you,” but he doesn’t tell you what’s wrong, he doesn’t tell you what’s going on, right? The second thing that he’ll do is then when it’s something fun for you, he will be in a bad mood, he will try to sabotage something fun that you have going on, like when it’s your big moment, it’s all about you, it’s not about him, he’ll try to draw the attention to him being sulky, being in a bad mood, being sad.

He’ll try to absorb the attention of that moment, bring it to him instead of just being there to celebrate you or he’ll get really critical of you. The third is he will attack you, be critical of you, and you’re not sure why, what did you do?

He’s not willing to communicate. On the other hand, the emotionally mature guy, it doesn’t mean he’s not upset, doesn’t mean he won’t get angry, but it does mean he will come to you and say, “Hey look, when you said this, I felt embarrassed, “I felt angry, I felt like that’s not how I want us to be “in a relationship. “I don’t wanna call each other out on our weak points “in front of other people. “Let’s have an agreement “that if there’s something that you’re not liking “that I’m doing, “tell me I’m private and we can work on it” and he’ll create a new agreement with you.

So, at the end of the day, when you’re with someone, these are beautiful indicators because this isn’t something that just changes overnight.

It’s not something that you can have a conversation with someone who’s emotionally mature and say, “Hey, can you just be mature?” Like, it doesn’t work that way. They’ve actually gotta do the reps, just like being physically strong, there’s an emotional strength that comes from doing the reps, having the awareness, and then doing the reps.

And so, my wish and hope for you is that you are able to spot someone who’s not a good partner for you, who doesn’t have the emotional strength to be with you and release them so that you make room for the guy who is emotionally mature, the guy who does want that partnership with you, the guy who does winna go deep with you because that guy exists and that relationship is amazing and it’s yours in store for you. So, my question for you is, “What are the signs that you have seen “when someone’s emotionally immature?

” Go ahead and post that in the comment section below. I believe in you, I appreciate you. Thanks for watching, I’ll see you soon.

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