The Michael Scott Method of Negotiation – The Office

Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer. And we are prepared to reject that offer. Michael, you haven’t even heard Never accept their first offer What is your second offer? -$12,000. -Are you kidding me?

That is insultingly low. I don’t even winna hear what your first offer was. -What do you hear? Imitates muffled speech Here’s the situation — your company is four weeks old I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can’t be making very much money. I don’t know how your prices are so low, but I know it can’t keep up that way.

I’m sure you’re scared……probably in debt. This is the best offer you’re going to get. I’ll see your situation, and I’ll raise you a situation Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you’re going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So, they may be looking for a little…

Change in the CFO. So, I don’t need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you. Okay. Now, I don’t know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How’s about $60,000? Hm? $60,000. Michael? Um, we’re going to have to we’re going to have to talk this about. -What? We’re going to have to talk about this. Just amongst ourselves. Okay. Please, take the room. Be right outside. Take your time. -Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

$60,000? -We are so rich. -Are you kidding? 

So, you’ve thought it over, yes, and you accept our offer? We can finally put this whole thing behind us Hm? No. Can you give us another minute, please? Yeah. Uh, okay. Michael. How could you do this to me, Michael? You just cost me $60,000. Why are you assuming you’d get the whole thing? It’s a lot of money, okay but we need money coming in every week. We need jobs. Wouldn’t you rather have a fishing pole than a fish I would rather have $60,000, honestly. No, Michael’s right. Jobs are safer. Agreed? Agreed. Yeah. But that’s all, okay? You know, discuss these things. Shut up, shut up! Hello! I want my old job back.

I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring. They don’t make ’em anymore And I want Charles gone. I am not firing Charles. He’s very valuable. That’s very kind of you to say, David. I need him gone. No! Okay. Then I want Pam back. uh, you already have a new receptionist. I don’t Sales. Thank you. -Pam’s not a salesperson. Yes, she is.

At the Michael Scott Paper Company, in its heyday That’s right. Okay. Please continue. -And Ryan.

Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael. Ryan, you know what, David. I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family. He is like a son to me. -Do you realize what you’re asking for, here? You’re talking about salary plus health benefits… And dental, this time…. insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a Hécuba lot more than 60 grand. You’re talking about a multimillion-dollar buyout These are our demands.

Your company cannot be worth that much. Our company is worth nothing. That’s the difference between you and I. Business isn’t about money to me, David. If, tomorrow, my company goes under, I will just start another paper company, and then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names. -Michael That’s one of ’em! Yes! These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court. Okay. Deal. Okay? Can we have the room, please?

Yeah. Ahem. Oh! Wow! Yes! Can you believe it?! Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you! That’s what I’m talking’ about!

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